Day 2 - A Talking Donkey?! (Spooky/Scary/Weird stories from the Bible)

Day 2: A Talking Donkey and a Wrathful Angel

Biblical stories that could make good horror/paranormal movies

Yesterday, we had a talking snake. Today’s story includes a talking donkey! Not from the movie Shrek, but a story from the book of Numbers. This passage is not in the lectionary which is too bad, because it’s a fun and strange story. I see this story referenced often by atheists trying to prove how unbelievable the Bible is and see it in lists of weird Bible stories. It’s certainly fantastic, in the classic definition of “imaginative or fanciful; remote from reality”. For me, stories like this are one reason I so enjoy reading the Old Testament.

As Moses is leading the Hebrew people into the land of milk and honey after forty years in the wilderness (a land which was already occupied, mind you), they are in the plains of Moab east of the Jordan. Balak, the king of Moab, is worried because they defeated two neighboring kings. He summons the prophet Balaam to come to curse the Hebrews. Balaam is told by God not to go. Balak sends messengers again, and again God tells Balaam not to. Balak sends messengers a third time. God gives permission, so long as Balaam says only the words that God gives him AND if the messengers ask him again. The messengers do not ask him again, but Balaam goes anyway, and that’s where we pick up our story. So we have the weirdness of God finally giving permission, but then quickly becoming angry that Balaam goes; and the weirdness of the way that God tries to stop Balaam, and how Balaam is saved by his donkey. 

Numbers 22:22 God’s anger was kindled because he was going, and the angel of the Lord took his stand in the road as his adversary. Now he was riding on the donkey, and his two servants were with him. 23 The donkey saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road, with a drawn sword in his hand, so the donkey turned off the road and went into the field, and Balaam struck the donkey, to turn it back onto the road. 24 Then the angel of the Lord stood in a narrow path between the vineyards, with a wall on either side. 25 When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it scraped against the wall and scraped Balaam’s foot against the wall, so he struck it again. 26 Then the angel of the Lord went ahead and stood in a narrow place, where there was no way to turn either to the right or to the left. 27 When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it lay down under Balaam, and Balaam’s anger was kindled, and he struck the donkey with his staff. 28 Then the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” 29 Balaam said to the donkey, “Because you have made a fool of me! I wish I had a sword in my hand! I would kill you right now!” 30 But the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your donkey, which you have ridden all your life to this day? Have I been in the habit of treating you this way?” And he said, “No.”

31 Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road, with his drawn sword in his hand, and he bowed down, falling on his face. 32 The angel of the Lord said to him, “Why have you struck your donkey these three times? I have come out as an adversary because your way is perverse[d] before me. 33 The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If it had not turned away from me, surely just now I would have killed you and let it live.” 34 Then Balaam said to the angel of the Lord, “I have sinned, for I did not know that you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now therefore, if it is displeasing to you, I will return home.” 35 The angel of the Lord said to Balaam, “Go with the men, but speak only what I tell you to speak.” So Balaam went on with the officials of Balak.

Balaam ends up blessing the Hebrew people in three separate situations as Balak tries to get him to curse them. He is later slain by the Hebrews in a battle, and ends up with not a good place in history: he is mentioned a few times in the New Testament, and not favorably but as an example of bad faith, adding even some more oddness to the story.

Would it make a good movie? I think so. Or if not a whole movie, an episode of Alfred Hitchcock presents or the Twilight Zone. Especially if the later references in the New Testament are included. Maybe the movie opens with a child asking the writer of the letter of Jude or the book of Revelation "Who was Balaam?" and then a flashback to tell the story, then back to the current time as the writer finishes his writing with his anti-Balaam words and tells the kid some final witty retort about Balaam being a bad example of faithfulness.

All text is from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition.